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God, I can't believe what's fucking wrong with me! (Will I be censored on Wretch for using the F-word? Don't really fucking care right now…)
Perhaps it's the strain of the fucking Chinese Valentine's Day (CVD) plus many other cumulative reasons, I did the MOST FUCKING STUPID THING EVER last weekend. Here's the thing: there's this guy who's like my personal Mr. Big. Even though it's been over 3 years since we last met, I still think about him from time to time. We barely keep in touch now, but I still drop him a line every half-year to check whether he's still alive (and also whether he's married with kids already… Sick, I know…)
Anyway, last week I sent off a short mail inquiring after his general well being, but got no answer. As I mentioned before, I'm not in my right mind these days, so I got this fucking inspiration and wrote that I'm getting married (I KNOW I'M OUT OF MY MIND!!! I'VE BEEN BRAINWASHED BY ALIENS!!! I SUFFER FROM TEMPORARY INSANITY!!!). This definitely caught his attention, but he expressed some skepticism about my supposed upcoming nuptials. (Smart guy, I knew there was a reason why I liked him.) So to make things worse, instead of coming clean and confessing that I got CVD mixed up with April Fool's Day and/or that I was abducted by aliens and aliens made me do it, I wrote back thanking him and asked where he'd like his invitation sent.
That's not the extent of my fucking stupidity. (WHY AM I DOING THIS??? FUCKING CATHARSIS!) In a sudden fit of crazed delusion, I decided to give myself closure and tell him how I really felt about him, since “it doesn't matter anymore” because “I'm getting married.” The lesson here is: when you're PMSing, don't go near your computer and log on to the Internet when you're home alone and bored out of your skull on a Saturday night. Also, if you have progressed this far and have actually typed the fucking message, for GOD'S SAKE DON'T PRESS "SEND" BUT SAVE IT UNTIL YOU WAKE UP SANE AND LUCID AGAIN THE NEXT MORNING!!! I swear, learn from my bloody mistake and don't say I didn't warn you…
His reply is still lying there quietly in my fucking Yahoo! In-box… I actually gave my BFF my account ID and password so she could read it for me first… (WHERE THE HELL HAS YOUR FUCKING COURAGE GONE TO?! I guess I used it all up when I dashed off my insane confessions last weekend.) I'm working on it… DON'T PUSH ME ! Or I might have another fucking meltdown and will have to go and throw myself out of the fucking window… >__
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